Oh how life tests me so
Leaves me feeling much like Job
Each time I fight and get back up
I am knocked down again and it’s not bad luck
It’s a test I am sure in my faith
Of love and positivity and grace
To see if I can carry on
A test to see if I am strong.
It leaves me tired
Leaves me weary
The older I get its tougher believe me
To keep getting up
But I am a stubborn man
And I will take as much as I can
And smile in the face of adversity
Laugh so loud, hysterically
Because I am more than a match for this human life
And I shall not buckle to illusory strife
I have been in dark places
Down in deep holes
My daughter has passed without getting old
My mother and father
And on new journey now
And they are the only ones that matter somehow
Except for those living who I have not lost
Happy and cheerful
I will gladly pay the cost
Of being treated like Job
So others maybe happy
But I hope the universe will understand me
That I have rumbled the illusion
I know life is a dream
Created by my own conscious reality
So it can do what it likes to test me you see
Because I know one day I will reconnect with my divinity
And in that place I will dwell in peace and in bliss
And I will look back and laugh at everything
And learn all the lessons from the tests along the way
And I will be reunited with my soul group family again.
No dignity in unrequited love
Beat me
abuse me
use me
control me
As long as you love me
Doing anything to me
I submit to your power
I submit to your command
I submit myself wholly
I await your demands
I am lost without you
Incomplete and I flounder
Without you there’s no life
Without you nothings right
Without being told what to do
What to say
Without you
I am lifeless
I am hollow
Cannot eat
Cannot swallow
Need your touch
Need your body
Need your sex
Need you above me
Me below
So submissive
You are everything i am missing
Hold me tight
Keep on kissing
As I keep on wishing
You loved me as much
As I know I love you.
Tired
Sometimes I find myself tired
Tired of life
Of stress
Of love
Of trying so hard
Of failing
Of succeeding
Of crying
Of laughing
Of bleeding
Of finding a way
Of finding solutions
Of finding dead ends
Of silence
Of singing
Of simply just being
Of happiness
Of sadness
Of sanity
Of madness
Of existing
Of ceasing
And simply of breathing.
Let me sleep
For a millenia
So that I may feel rested
So that I may feel bliss
So that I may feel grace
So that I can just face
What we know to be life.
For I am tired.
Share
Let us share the same love
The same breath
The same passion
The same desire
The same rise and fall
The same peak and cry
The same moans of pleasure
As we share each other in the dark night
Let us be consumed by all that is forever
Illusory self
Look at me
I am clean
Hair is styled
See me preen
Clothes are sharp
Teeth are clean
Shining white
Always smiling.
I work out
Muscular me
Fitter than I’ve ever been.
Look at my tan
I’ve eyes so deep
Like limpet pools
In them you can leap.
I am packing where it truly counts
In my pants
Is a large amount
Of sexualised desire
On which you can mount.
So with this in mind
tell me why it is
That these shallow things
Mean not one bit
External paper
Covering the cracks
Of lacking self love
And feeling they are always falling back
Into the darkness
Of a depressed state
All the gloss
Don’t hide the self hate
And the self doubt
Ingrained since birth
Doesn’t cover up
The lack of self worth.
Lay as many many people
as you can find
It won’t change
Your state of mind
Your still fee lonely
And unloved
You will never feel
Your good enough.
Because all the work you do
To look good outside
Is just an illusion
Don’t change what’s inside
The work that you need to do
is deep within
Let go of the illusion of self
And let your true self in.
Learn to love yourself
and learn to forgive
Yourself for everything
For nobody is perfect
We are all flawed
Open up your mind
And you will open up doors
To your heart and soul
Where bliss resides
And you will find
Contentment in time
And all the external illusion you see
Will just fade away
And you’ll find self belief.
For you are amazing
For you are love
A part of creation
We created us.
Medicated
I’ve been missing my medication
Of thyroxine for over a week
I wonder if it really matters
What difference it can make
Does it control the functions of my body or my mind
And if I stop taking the tablets
Will I no longer be defined
As just another illness
Under active thyroid gland
Can anybody really tell me because I don’t understand.
Do I create this illness through my own conscious mind
And can I heal myself of this
And once again feel fine.
You paralysed me
I felt you within my presence
I felt you in the room
I heard you walking round the bed
But I was unable to move
I sensed that you were not of this world
You were ethereal, a spirit of some kind
I also knew this was not a trick or illusion of the mind.
I could not sense if you were good
I couldn’t sense if you were bad
But the fact you meant me no harm
I guess is what kept me calm.
I was stuck in a paralysis
Stuck between two worlds
Laying in there neither awake nor asleep
Feeling tormented somehow.
I wanted to see you
To speak with you
But alas this was not to be
And when the time comes to pass you then released me.
Now I feel remorse that I missed this chance to ask some questions of you
Or just to sit and look and spend a few moments with you.
For I feel you were once family
Or that you always watched over me
But I can’t understand why when you entered the room you chose to paralyse me.
Nervous breakdown
Close to a breakdown
The walls are closing in
The pressure in my head
Is ever increasing
Surrounded by drama
And toxicity
None of this of my making
But others incapability
To live their life in a measured way
Messing it up every day
Then coming to me laying it at my door
There is too much of this
And I can’t take it anymore.
All I need is peace and sleep
All I need is some time for me
All I need is for people to take responsibility
For the life that they lead and the choices they make.
Yes I know that their family and it’s my job to care
And yes they know this
And know I will always be there
But they take advantage because of this fact
And make out that somehow I overreact.
But the the truth is if they mess up time and again
When do you draw the line
And stop taking on their pain
And the stress that comes with it
I think they are being unfair
But they don’t even see it and doubt that they care.
So as the walls close in
and the pressure increases
Don’t be surprised when i implode
And fall to pieces
From the drama and chaos you bring into my life.
Just because you are always to blind
To see the right choices and directions you should take
Take responsibility for all your mistakes
Take accountability for the life that you lead
And please just for a change stop running back to me
To clear up your mess of your own making
Because you will be my undoing
And my final breaking.
I can’t take no more!
I can’t take no more!
Please for the love of God make it stop for I can’t take no more!
Seekers
A walk through life
Is a walk through illusion
A construct of mind
Borderline delusion
Every thing that we see
From our conscious reality
Is a product of our life we decided to be.
Residing in self
residing in bliss
We can savour life’s wonders
That normally we’d miss
But being centered in love
And within inner peace
We will all find the truth and the answers we seek.
Within
There is a lot of talk about external and internal vision but as Robert lanza states in beyond biocentrism everything happens within because everything from sight, sound, touch, and smell are all processes articulated and converted from waves within the brain to the things we believe we see, hear, feel and smell. These things are not really out there they all happen inside you. So when the Buddhists say look within it is because they full understand the concept of the human being. Everything from the universe to nature is a creation of our own conscious reality acting on the electrical and magnetic waves that our brains convert. Even our bodies as we perceive them are illusions created within our own minds. So don’t go looking ‘out there’ for answers because out there does not exist it is all happening within and within is where you will find all the answers that you seek.
fauxcroft 